“Let whoever thinks that they stand, take heed lest they fall.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12
“Treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity.” – 1 Timothy 5:1b-2
We hear countless tragic stories of church leaders who fall into sin, including the stories of how relationships proceeded to where they crossed the line into sin. But how often do we hear stories of how other potential slides into sin were successfully avoided?
Here is one such story. I will tell it in the pastor’s own words. I will leave the characters nameless, to protect not only the pastor, but also the church member, who may have had no idea that the pastor was so attracted to her.
“When I started preaching at a new church, a member offered to share her perspective on the church’s recent history. She shared her heartfelt desire to see a spiritual awakening take place in the church. I found that she had experienced salvation through Christ a few short years previously. She’d had a hard life, but was full of joy because of Christ. She was all alone. In all of these ways, she reminded me of my wife when I first met her.
“Within a few weeks, I found myself attracted to her, to a disturbing degree, predominantly emotionally. The moment I realized this, I resolved to build a firewall to prevent this attraction from doing any damage to myself, the member, or my loved ones.
“One of my first moves was to bring my wife on board as my chief accountability partner. In addition, I took the following steps, from the very first time we met:
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No physical contact, other than handshakes in greeting. Absolutely no hugs.
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No private conversations. All pastoral care I conducted at coffee hour, in full public view and hearing. No phone calls. No meetings anywhere but at the church during its busiest times.
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No letters, and only a handful of business e-mails, all written and sent under the supervision of my wife.
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No gifts.
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Never did I speak of my feelings in this matter, or inquire about her social life. Because of this, I have no reliable idea what she may have thought of me.
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No social media. I have never even visited her Facebook page, although I am curious what I might find there.
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Finally, I sought to channel all of my emotional/romantic feelings toward my wife and no one else.
“Numerous times I have thought, If only I could tell this person that if I were widowed or otherwise single, I would be eagerly seeking her friendship. But I resolved this in my mind as a test of faith. If Jesus’ resurrection has led you to believe that we shall be raised also someday, then you can tell her at the resurrection. And if there be no resurrection, then you’ve got a lot more to be sad about than whether this person ever finds out how you felt about her.
“If I were single, the reasons for a firewall would be different. My only concern would be to avoid fornication or even ‘fooling around’ of any kind, both of which would be Biblically and ethically out of bounds. (The issue of pastor-parishioner dynamics could be easily solved by transferring her to another church.) In this case, however, I had a far greater reason for such a firewall: someone I have loved dearly for the vast majority of a lifetime.”
Such is the story of one pastor who thankfully did not become a statistic.
Today, even the strongest marriages are getting beaten and bruised by rocks thrown by the enemy of our souls. It’s not just sexual temptation, either, but also economic pressures, relational conflict, you name it. In such a time, in a merciless culture whose riptides and undercurrents threaten to tear loving couples apart, building a firewall of faithfulness is a crucial form of discipleship.
TOM HOBSON of Belleville, Ill., a PC(USA) pastor for 29 years, is Chair of the Biblical Studies Department at Morthland College, West Frankfort, IL. He is author of What’s on God’s Sin List for Today? (Wipf and Stock, 2011).
